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These Were the Lessons of Growing Up

        My attempts to fight against discouragement have failed. Restless thoughts gave no moment of peace or rest. Again and again I made mistakes. And Vladimir, watching my states at a distance, again and again scolded me for it.
        I still could not understand that this was not enough — to learn the methods of psychic self-regulation and meditation! But one also needs to learn to live in higher states constantly, no matter what!
        Understanding this — suddenly became a turning point for me!
        Now it seems to me self-evident. And this topic was discussed by Vladimir — during communications with us — many times! But sometimes one needs to go through difficult lessons and growing stages to reach that point where, as it were, scales fall from one’s eyes — and understanding finally comes!
        Even once Babaji said to me that this deficiency was prevalent in me during my last earthly life, when I tried to go by strides, not understanding that one must be properly secured on the mastered steps.
        Yes, it was very painful: to get bogged down in a pool of... — after flying above the clouds. But acquired experience of flight was good to stimulate, to become selected from that pool!
        ... In the spring I had the opportunity to host a guest in my house — the young adept. It was — created by Vladimir for me —  the opportunity to correct my mistakes and learn caring of others.
        To behave impeccably — as turned out in reality — was not so simple. Words, actions, thoughts, emotions — were supposed to be under constant supervision! And it was necessary to tell him about his errors so as not to offend him, to explain such that I do not make my own mistakes, help so to teach myself to love...
         Sometimes in those days, I went to have a rest and gain strength near a small cozy pond in the park.
        At last, the two-week stay of my guest was coming to an end, and I was again plunged into thinking: I did not make all that I wanted... And — I did not become what I need to be before God... And, in general, — had I changed myself for the better?
        And then my heart was suddenly filled with joy! I suddenly realized that I was on the place of power of David Copperfield!
        Then I sat on the bench for a long time, silently enjoying fellowship with Him, resting and gathering strength in His Arms.
        “Well! Now I know that you are ready to do anything for Me!” — David summed up the outcome of our communication.
        So God led me: promoting, punishing, hugging, warning, kissing — with His Love!
        ... In July, my work in medicine became for me especially hard. By “coincidence”, the workload had increased dramatically. Moreover — suddenly all my relatives get sick. The number of people wanting and waiting for assistance from me, had increased manifold. I almost began to feel physically the number of penetrated into me indriyas. Endless complaints and complaints of patients had turned for me into a torture... I did not know how to escape from this: how not to get tired and do not come back home “squeezed like a lemon”? To throw it all — I, too, could not: for I loved my profession and wanted to help others any way I can.
        In those days, I began to think about how could work Sathya Sai Baba in His last earthly life? It’s — the unthinkable: how many people were attracted to Him with their volitions! Millions! And I — only a couple of thousands...
        Fast vacation, fortunately, has solved this problem — and I quickly recovered. But the reason for thought and work on myself were enough!
        ... Vladimir — before his departure from me — said that Borovik and His Mother invited me in August “for mushrooms”. But this month was already coming to an end.
        And I was extremely pleased when I saw in my mailbox an invitation from Vladimir to come, yes, “for the mushrooms”. But my enthusiasm wilted quickly: after all, my own status had much to be desired! How can I go in this state?!
        Vladimir tracked my states and doubts. And he sent the second email: “You are asking for. Come!”.

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